4/30/08
"i wish that i knew what i know now, when i was younger. i wish that i knew what i know now, when i was stronger." -the faces
yesterday, i had a letter to the editor published in the racine journal times. it was in response to acts of discrimination against students at local high schools participating in the national day of silence to raise awareness of the struggles many LGBT students face daily.
my little brother is the picture of courage when it comes to speaking out, or in this instance, not speaking out. since his decision to come out, he has been an advocate for LGBT students. he was a founding member of the gay-straight alliance, leader of the poms squad, and a star in choral and theatre performances. he's also participated in sports, sex-ed awareness, and religious activities.
i think about this awesome kid, and how much he does for everyone around him. he's fortunate to feel confident enough to share himself regardless of consequence. then, i imagine all the students who are afraid to tell their friends and families who they are because they think they'll be ostracized, mistreated, or worse. when people have to hide their love for someone of the same gender, or feel that they must conform to the "norm" to avoid persecution, i am frustrated beyond words. it seems to me that the fight for civil rights is far from over.
i remember an incident i was involved in my 8th grade year -- young and stupid, but still old enough to know better. after months of struggle with a particular teacher (i was constantly removed from the class, in spite of my attention and engagement in lectures) i'd had enough.
a couple of us got together after school at a neighbor's house and thought of ways we could get back at this teacher who had it out for me. someone suggested we put something on his door, maybe some kind of banner or something to perpetuate the rumor of his sexual identity. one of the girls' mothers was a quilter, so there was plenty of fabric. we gathered some supplies, and set to work.
i'll never forget that banner. it was a white pillowcase with a purple ruffle, sequins and beads. we attached a picture of dorothy from the wizard of oz and a queen of hearts. the idiot innocence in us compelled us to use puffy paint and spell out his name: tom.
we hung the banner early monday morning, before school started. everyone dashed off to class on an adrenaline rush, we didn't speak. i remained relatively calm for the remainder of the day, until the school police officer pulled me out of class and directed me to his office. i was given a lecture, which i didn't quite understand until recently. we had, in fact, committed a hate crime. our angst and anger piled up in helplessness, we retaliated in a way that would hurt him.
i was the only one who was caught, and the only one who confessed. i was suspended for two weeks. the other folks involved are memories to me now, but i still see tom around town. he lives near me, i think, and we frequent the same spaces. part of the irony: until he started throwing me out of classes, he had been my favorite teacher because he showed us movies on rock and roll, anthropology and politics.
i owe that man an apology, and it's taken me a good eight years to realize it. he's not gay, but if he were, why should it have mattered to me, to any of us? it's taken an outlash of hatred and intolerance for me to see the mistake. i'm ashamed, and i hope some day when i see him out, he won't dash off in the other direction so i can tell him i'm sorry.
i'd like to think that i'm a better person now, and i won't tolerate discrimination of any kind. i'm more careful in my thoughts, words, and actions. i hope this revelation can change some things for the better.
To the City of Racine:
I am ashamed of the backwoods-style condemnation of students participating in the National Day of Silence campaign. I commend those students who had courage enough to invoke their constitutional right to stand in peaceful protest against hatred and bigotry. These young people are the new civil rights activists in the fight for social equality. In battles such as this, there are countless others paralyzed by fear. They see these students as champions of human rights.
I am proud to be a member of a socially-active, blended LGBT family. I challenge any of those gay-bashing in this city to rise to the occasion of accepting the words of our forefathers — that all men are created equal. We must celebrate life, regardless of race, gender, creed, ethnicity, sexual preference, or ability. This is a nation for all people, not just those who live as you do.
Rosy Ricks
Showing posts with label homophobia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homophobia. Show all posts
Wednesday
out brief candle.
12/12/07
it's been a while, but much has passed. of course, we had a friday training session, but there was also a tragic event.
in order not to lose my thoughts on it, i'd like to cover the friday training. we met at the LGBT center again on court street. the training was called "diversity and oppression: heterosexism" and the facilitator was our own todd wellman of the national PA office.
in spite of his attempts to make it more about the normalization of heterosexist ideas, i do feel it was largely about homosexual culture. todd did a good job of making the topic more approachable for those among us who perhaps are insecure about their sexuality, or for those who blatantly oppose the idea of the LGBT community. we covered the terms 'homophobia' and 'heterosexism' thoroughly, which set the tone for our discussion.
breaking off into groups, we were assigned a list of questions to discuss. i found that most people grew up with negative introductions to homosexuality from either their families or church groups. for me, it was hard to understand. i grew up in a pretty accepting family, speckled with not only LGBT members, but also more multiracial children than singular ethnicity babies. from this experience, i likened the idea of being LGBT to that of being black.
black, to me, isn't something that needs explaining. it doesn't need to be discussed in a serious manner, nor does it need to be frowned upon. if you are black, you just are. likewise for me if you are LGBT.
many of the females in the program identify with the LGBT community. in fact, many of us have had same-sex or 'non-traditional' relationships. to my knowledge, none of the men have openly admitted to any experience and in fact shut down. is it because they are afraid of being identified as gay? not men?
this also sparks in interest in me as far as the overall demographic of society: most of the men in our group are minorities. traditionally, minority men are the least likely to speak on the topics in a positive way. also, we were missing 1 of our three white males... what would his opinion have been? would he have been comfortable sharing it? what about the latino community? so many of us are accustomed to the white and black views on the topic.
i will say i was surprised that it went as well as it did. there was one thing that i would have liked to change though. at the end of the discussion, there was a fishbowl exercises where several self-identified LGBT sat in the center of the group ad had a discussion on what it was like to be 'queer.' i understand the intention as to make this aspect of living more accessible in terms of personalizing the issue, but i don't really feel it's effective. because there is so much stigma attached, i think this exercise would have been best done anonymously. that way, i feel that more of the 'closeted' LGBT allies would have contributed.
drawing from my own experience, i guess the topic was something we needed to have. i just wish it might have gone in another direction. todd did a good job, and we got through a lot of work on friday that must have left people thinking.
now, for the other event. monday morning, i got into my office to find one of my coworkers had committed suicide sunday afternoon. i wrote a reflection on it, but didn't feel right putting it up right away. i wanted to let my feelings mature on it a bit more before i really put it out there for everyone to see. here's the bit i did. it's incomplete and barely cohesive, but for posterity, i think the truth of it maintains some of the integrity.
12/10/07
last night i dreamed a strange dream about being taken to some kind of emotional studies with a bizarre psychologist in a white lab coat. the building was sterile, brushed steel and fluorescent bulbs. there were televisions playing clips of young girls writhing in cages (no older than me). they were fetishized, in pvc clothing and pancaked makeup. it was important for some reason. the psychologist kept asking me how i felt, what did the images mean to me? he pried. it was disturbing for some reason.
this morning i got into my office, the new executive director came into my office quickly and quietly. i felt heavy, unsure. one of my co-workers committed suicide this weekend, jumped off a bridge on sunday afternoon.
what do you say to that? it's a different kind of environment, you spend time with these people out of necessity, but find yourself developing relationships. i didn't know this gentleman very well, but everyone at work has become so close. he's been working here since 1994 and a ton of people were close to him, including my boss.
veronica came into the office this morning shortly after me. she was so happy, one smile away from bursting into song. i panicked. knowing i wasn't the appropriate person to tell her the news, i insisted she please speak to the chapter executive.
a few moments later, i heard wailing and sobs. again, i panicked. what does one do? (one does what one must, right?) veronica is a very religious person, so she was grieving for a close friend who had taken his life.
people are wearing their grief openly here. i don't exactly know how to go about handling this situation. everyone here is so close, they've been here so long. it's as if a piece of everyone has gone.
i am not sure where to fit in to all of this. i am here, and their emotions affect me greatly. especially veronica, because she's making a great effort to be there for me through all my own issues. she encourages me, and still offers time-tested wisdom.
so, that's what i came up with. i'm not going to try and encapsulate it. there's nothing more to say about it. it just makes you realize that life truly can stop at any moment, people are hurting inside whether you know it or not. love one another, and take care.
it's been a while, but much has passed. of course, we had a friday training session, but there was also a tragic event.
in order not to lose my thoughts on it, i'd like to cover the friday training. we met at the LGBT center again on court street. the training was called "diversity and oppression: heterosexism" and the facilitator was our own todd wellman of the national PA office.
in spite of his attempts to make it more about the normalization of heterosexist ideas, i do feel it was largely about homosexual culture. todd did a good job of making the topic more approachable for those among us who perhaps are insecure about their sexuality, or for those who blatantly oppose the idea of the LGBT community. we covered the terms 'homophobia' and 'heterosexism' thoroughly, which set the tone for our discussion.
breaking off into groups, we were assigned a list of questions to discuss. i found that most people grew up with negative introductions to homosexuality from either their families or church groups. for me, it was hard to understand. i grew up in a pretty accepting family, speckled with not only LGBT members, but also more multiracial children than singular ethnicity babies. from this experience, i likened the idea of being LGBT to that of being black.
black, to me, isn't something that needs explaining. it doesn't need to be discussed in a serious manner, nor does it need to be frowned upon. if you are black, you just are. likewise for me if you are LGBT.
many of the females in the program identify with the LGBT community. in fact, many of us have had same-sex or 'non-traditional' relationships. to my knowledge, none of the men have openly admitted to any experience and in fact shut down. is it because they are afraid of being identified as gay? not men?
this also sparks in interest in me as far as the overall demographic of society: most of the men in our group are minorities. traditionally, minority men are the least likely to speak on the topics in a positive way. also, we were missing 1 of our three white males... what would his opinion have been? would he have been comfortable sharing it? what about the latino community? so many of us are accustomed to the white and black views on the topic.
i will say i was surprised that it went as well as it did. there was one thing that i would have liked to change though. at the end of the discussion, there was a fishbowl exercises where several self-identified LGBT sat in the center of the group ad had a discussion on what it was like to be 'queer.' i understand the intention as to make this aspect of living more accessible in terms of personalizing the issue, but i don't really feel it's effective. because there is so much stigma attached, i think this exercise would have been best done anonymously. that way, i feel that more of the 'closeted' LGBT allies would have contributed.
drawing from my own experience, i guess the topic was something we needed to have. i just wish it might have gone in another direction. todd did a good job, and we got through a lot of work on friday that must have left people thinking.
now, for the other event. monday morning, i got into my office to find one of my coworkers had committed suicide sunday afternoon. i wrote a reflection on it, but didn't feel right putting it up right away. i wanted to let my feelings mature on it a bit more before i really put it out there for everyone to see. here's the bit i did. it's incomplete and barely cohesive, but for posterity, i think the truth of it maintains some of the integrity.
12/10/07
last night i dreamed a strange dream about being taken to some kind of emotional studies with a bizarre psychologist in a white lab coat. the building was sterile, brushed steel and fluorescent bulbs. there were televisions playing clips of young girls writhing in cages (no older than me). they were fetishized, in pvc clothing and pancaked makeup. it was important for some reason. the psychologist kept asking me how i felt, what did the images mean to me? he pried. it was disturbing for some reason.
this morning i got into my office, the new executive director came into my office quickly and quietly. i felt heavy, unsure. one of my co-workers committed suicide this weekend, jumped off a bridge on sunday afternoon.
what do you say to that? it's a different kind of environment, you spend time with these people out of necessity, but find yourself developing relationships. i didn't know this gentleman very well, but everyone at work has become so close. he's been working here since 1994 and a ton of people were close to him, including my boss.
veronica came into the office this morning shortly after me. she was so happy, one smile away from bursting into song. i panicked. knowing i wasn't the appropriate person to tell her the news, i insisted she please speak to the chapter executive.
a few moments later, i heard wailing and sobs. again, i panicked. what does one do? (one does what one must, right?) veronica is a very religious person, so she was grieving for a close friend who had taken his life.
people are wearing their grief openly here. i don't exactly know how to go about handling this situation. everyone here is so close, they've been here so long. it's as if a piece of everyone has gone.
i am not sure where to fit in to all of this. i am here, and their emotions affect me greatly. especially veronica, because she's making a great effort to be there for me through all my own issues. she encourages me, and still offers time-tested wisdom.
so, that's what i came up with. i'm not going to try and encapsulate it. there's nothing more to say about it. it just makes you realize that life truly can stop at any moment, people are hurting inside whether you know it or not. love one another, and take care.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
