4/30/08
"i wish that i knew what i know now, when i was younger. i wish that i knew what i know now, when i was stronger." -the faces
yesterday, i had a letter to the editor published in the racine journal times. it was in response to acts of discrimination against students at local high schools participating in the national day of silence to raise awareness of the struggles many LGBT students face daily.
my little brother is the picture of courage when it comes to speaking out, or in this instance, not speaking out. since his decision to come out, he has been an advocate for LGBT students. he was a founding member of the gay-straight alliance, leader of the poms squad, and a star in choral and theatre performances. he's also participated in sports, sex-ed awareness, and religious activities.
i think about this awesome kid, and how much he does for everyone around him. he's fortunate to feel confident enough to share himself regardless of consequence. then, i imagine all the students who are afraid to tell their friends and families who they are because they think they'll be ostracized, mistreated, or worse. when people have to hide their love for someone of the same gender, or feel that they must conform to the "norm" to avoid persecution, i am frustrated beyond words. it seems to me that the fight for civil rights is far from over.
i remember an incident i was involved in my 8th grade year -- young and stupid, but still old enough to know better. after months of struggle with a particular teacher (i was constantly removed from the class, in spite of my attention and engagement in lectures) i'd had enough.
a couple of us got together after school at a neighbor's house and thought of ways we could get back at this teacher who had it out for me. someone suggested we put something on his door, maybe some kind of banner or something to perpetuate the rumor of his sexual identity. one of the girls' mothers was a quilter, so there was plenty of fabric. we gathered some supplies, and set to work.
i'll never forget that banner. it was a white pillowcase with a purple ruffle, sequins and beads. we attached a picture of dorothy from the wizard of oz and a queen of hearts. the idiot innocence in us compelled us to use puffy paint and spell out his name: tom.
we hung the banner early monday morning, before school started. everyone dashed off to class on an adrenaline rush, we didn't speak. i remained relatively calm for the remainder of the day, until the school police officer pulled me out of class and directed me to his office. i was given a lecture, which i didn't quite understand until recently. we had, in fact, committed a hate crime. our angst and anger piled up in helplessness, we retaliated in a way that would hurt him.
i was the only one who was caught, and the only one who confessed. i was suspended for two weeks. the other folks involved are memories to me now, but i still see tom around town. he lives near me, i think, and we frequent the same spaces. part of the irony: until he started throwing me out of classes, he had been my favorite teacher because he showed us movies on rock and roll, anthropology and politics.
i owe that man an apology, and it's taken me a good eight years to realize it. he's not gay, but if he were, why should it have mattered to me, to any of us? it's taken an outlash of hatred and intolerance for me to see the mistake. i'm ashamed, and i hope some day when i see him out, he won't dash off in the other direction so i can tell him i'm sorry.
i'd like to think that i'm a better person now, and i won't tolerate discrimination of any kind. i'm more careful in my thoughts, words, and actions. i hope this revelation can change some things for the better.
To the City of Racine:
I am ashamed of the backwoods-style condemnation of students participating in the National Day of Silence campaign. I commend those students who had courage enough to invoke their constitutional right to stand in peaceful protest against hatred and bigotry. These young people are the new civil rights activists in the fight for social equality. In battles such as this, there are countless others paralyzed by fear. They see these students as champions of human rights.
I am proud to be a member of a socially-active, blended LGBT family. I challenge any of those gay-bashing in this city to rise to the occasion of accepting the words of our forefathers — that all men are created equal. We must celebrate life, regardless of race, gender, creed, ethnicity, sexual preference, or ability. This is a nation for all people, not just those who live as you do.
Rosy Ricks
Wednesday
Monday
free rice because everybody's hungry.
4/23/08
it seems like there are problems everywhere i go. most days, i like to listen to npr and take in the happenings, but lately, i've been on sabbatical from the news. there's a problem with prioritizing in our world, and it seems like international powers cannot decide between people and profit.
by now, everyone must know about my passion for food security. one of the big issues in the world is-- has, and always will be-- hunger. since the development and implementation of corn-and-soy-based ethanol, people around the world are feeling an economic pinch. these grains are being converted to fuels for cars rather than for our bodies. feed for livestock is more expensive, and so that is driving up the price of dairy, meat, and eggs. that, in turn, is increasing the cost of other foods in which these animal-derived items are main ingredients.
it's a good time to be a farmer, but a bad time to be any other kind of impoverished person. if you have been to the grocery store lately, you've been feeling the pinch. after all the bills are paid, how much of your income can you use for food? many of us are lucky; we may not be eating everything we want , but more often than not, we aren't going to bed hungry.
i heard this story about local food banks and the food stamps system on npr and it made me cry. i can't imagine what it would be like to know that you can't afford to feed your children, they must fend for themselves while you are away. many children are heading to soup kitchens. fortunately, there has been a great program created with funding from the united way to open schools and feed children who might otherwise go without.
for anyone who can, please volunteer or donate to one of the local food pantries. as the economy is in decline, more people are in need. in times of high demand, people stop giving. but, if we needed the help, where would we turn if those food banks weren't there? would we be too proud to stand in lines at a soup kitchen, rather than dishing it out?
i remember our diversity and anti-oppression training on classism, everyone was really upset. they were'nt upset about the condition of things as a whole, but specifically that they were promised breakfast, and were only given rice and oranges. in the real world, when someone is hungry, those things can be a godsend. we're lucky that p.a. helps us out with foodstamps. there are people in our communities who still needd help. and the problems we have here are always exponentially worse in the international community. with the dangers of violence, hijackings, and the price of gas, food aide organizations are sending less because they can't afford it. a co-worker of mine sent a link to me, and it's a fun and easy way to expand your vocabulary as well as helping provide food to the hungry. all you have to do is click on the definition of a word, and for each correct answer, 20 grains of rice are donated to the united nations world food program.
what are you waiting for, go out and feed the people!
it seems like there are problems everywhere i go. most days, i like to listen to npr and take in the happenings, but lately, i've been on sabbatical from the news. there's a problem with prioritizing in our world, and it seems like international powers cannot decide between people and profit.
by now, everyone must know about my passion for food security. one of the big issues in the world is-- has, and always will be-- hunger. since the development and implementation of corn-and-soy-based ethanol, people around the world are feeling an economic pinch. these grains are being converted to fuels for cars rather than for our bodies. feed for livestock is more expensive, and so that is driving up the price of dairy, meat, and eggs. that, in turn, is increasing the cost of other foods in which these animal-derived items are main ingredients.
it's a good time to be a farmer, but a bad time to be any other kind of impoverished person. if you have been to the grocery store lately, you've been feeling the pinch. after all the bills are paid, how much of your income can you use for food? many of us are lucky; we may not be eating everything we want , but more often than not, we aren't going to bed hungry.
i heard this story about local food banks and the food stamps system on npr and it made me cry. i can't imagine what it would be like to know that you can't afford to feed your children, they must fend for themselves while you are away. many children are heading to soup kitchens. fortunately, there has been a great program created with funding from the united way to open schools and feed children who might otherwise go without.
for anyone who can, please volunteer or donate to one of the local food pantries. as the economy is in decline, more people are in need. in times of high demand, people stop giving. but, if we needed the help, where would we turn if those food banks weren't there? would we be too proud to stand in lines at a soup kitchen, rather than dishing it out?
i remember our diversity and anti-oppression training on classism, everyone was really upset. they were'nt upset about the condition of things as a whole, but specifically that they were promised breakfast, and were only given rice and oranges. in the real world, when someone is hungry, those things can be a godsend. we're lucky that p.a. helps us out with foodstamps. there are people in our communities who still needd help. and the problems we have here are always exponentially worse in the international community. with the dangers of violence, hijackings, and the price of gas, food aide organizations are sending less because they can't afford it. a co-worker of mine sent a link to me, and it's a fun and easy way to expand your vocabulary as well as helping provide food to the hungry. all you have to do is click on the definition of a word, and for each correct answer, 20 grains of rice are donated to the united nations world food program.
what are you waiting for, go out and feed the people!
NAMI walks
4/21/08
last week, we had a diversity and anti-oppression training on ableism with 2 guests from disability wisconsin and the national alliance on mental illness (NAMI). they were both really engaging and informative, fielding difficult questions with genuine interest and expertise.
unfortunately, i missed out on a lot of the speaking, because there's this asinine policy of locking people out if they aren't on time. i have been on time for everything lately, with the exception of this day. but on this day, there was a topic i actually needed to hear about. nice.
anywho, after brenda wesley discussed her experiences taking care of family members with mental illnesses, i was taken aback. everything she talked about, i have gone through-- either myself or in dealing with a family member. she also brought up the fact that the stigma attached with mental illnesses aren't attached to things like diabetes and heart attacks. (if someone goes off medication for mental illness, they are judged and ostracized; on the other side of the coin, people with chronic illnesses who neglect themselves are catered to and comforted in times of need.)
the presentation was so informative. i know the wrong she has felt. it's hard to talk about those kinds of things, because i know that people flag that socially. stay away from her, she's crazy... it's not right. something else brenda talked about was the fact that african americans are often misdiagnosed or given improper treatment. the clues of mental illness within the context of black culture are different; if there are no psychiatrists who are familiar with the culture, how can the signs be appropriately identified? apparently, african americans metabolize drugs differently, and that can have an adverse affect.
at the end, brenda invited public allies to join the awareness campaign by participating in NAMI Walks, the annual fundraising campaign to raise awareness about mental illness and resources. i've decided to form a team with a few public allies, friends and family. we'll be walking may 17th at veteran's park. you can donate to our team "public allies, friends, and families" by getting in touch with me, or any participating ally.
if you'd like to walk with us, or to donate, please contact me. i'd like our team to raise at least $500. there's more information on the walk at the website or by calling brad montgomery at 414-344-0447.
Wednesday
i have experienced sliding into the depths of powerlessness
4/16/08
this morning i was on my way back from a great presentation at the clinton rose senior center on mlk drive and burleigh. i was in high spirits, as the directors informed me that they were especially pleased that i had been there, and that i would be missed at the end of my term.
naturally, i began re-evaluating whether i was having an impact on anyone in my work. driving down locust street on the way to 27th, back to the red cross office, i rolled down all of the windows to take in the air of goodness in the world. i continued to ponder my worth, leaning more toward extraordinarily significant and profoundly influential than under-appreciated martyr, when suddenly there was a disturbance in my thoughts.
stopped at a red light, i glanced around to see where i was. outside my window, on the corner of 23rd and locust, there were several men circled up outside a corner store. ordinarily, this wouldn't disconcert me. in this instance, 3 young men were advancing violently toward an older one. a punch was thrown, the older man stumbled back.
"get off 23rd street," one of the young men repeated. he looked angry and intimidating as he swung. "you heard me, nigga, get off 23rd street." he and the others continued to move forward, pushing the man down locust street. "i'm off 23rd street," was all he responded as they continued to advance and attack him.
most of the other drivers around me pretended not to see it, looking forward with hands clenched around steering wheels. i stared, mouth agape. what am i supposed to do? i thought to myself. what can i do? i thought to honk my horn, or maybe get out and say something. i thought it, but realized i would do no such thing. i immediately thought of samadhi, and what might happen if i ended up stinking my nose in. i wasn't sure of what the situation really was, but i felt like i needed to do something. yet i didn't; i was actually afraid of being hurt.
i saw these men committing violence in broad daylight, in front of a bus of school children, and felt there was nothing i could do. i saw the fear in the man's eyes. i wanted to tell him to get into the car, i don't know what stopped me. or perhaps i do know exactly the thing, but don't want to admit it to myself. i wanted to scream, express disapproval. i wanted the sky to open up and rain justice. i wanted peace, respect.
and i stared, doing nothing. when the light changed, i continued to stare, until the cars behind me began to honk.
i'm not sure where to put these feelings. i am really disappointed in myself, and am wondering what could have been done differently. what were the consequences of me not taking action? what might have happened had i done something? these are questions without answers, and something i'm going to have to think about for a while.
this morning i was on my way back from a great presentation at the clinton rose senior center on mlk drive and burleigh. i was in high spirits, as the directors informed me that they were especially pleased that i had been there, and that i would be missed at the end of my term.
naturally, i began re-evaluating whether i was having an impact on anyone in my work. driving down locust street on the way to 27th, back to the red cross office, i rolled down all of the windows to take in the air of goodness in the world. i continued to ponder my worth, leaning more toward extraordinarily significant and profoundly influential than under-appreciated martyr, when suddenly there was a disturbance in my thoughts.
stopped at a red light, i glanced around to see where i was. outside my window, on the corner of 23rd and locust, there were several men circled up outside a corner store. ordinarily, this wouldn't disconcert me. in this instance, 3 young men were advancing violently toward an older one. a punch was thrown, the older man stumbled back.
"get off 23rd street," one of the young men repeated. he looked angry and intimidating as he swung. "you heard me, nigga, get off 23rd street." he and the others continued to move forward, pushing the man down locust street. "i'm off 23rd street," was all he responded as they continued to advance and attack him.
most of the other drivers around me pretended not to see it, looking forward with hands clenched around steering wheels. i stared, mouth agape. what am i supposed to do? i thought to myself. what can i do? i thought to honk my horn, or maybe get out and say something. i thought it, but realized i would do no such thing. i immediately thought of samadhi, and what might happen if i ended up stinking my nose in. i wasn't sure of what the situation really was, but i felt like i needed to do something. yet i didn't; i was actually afraid of being hurt.
i saw these men committing violence in broad daylight, in front of a bus of school children, and felt there was nothing i could do. i saw the fear in the man's eyes. i wanted to tell him to get into the car, i don't know what stopped me. or perhaps i do know exactly the thing, but don't want to admit it to myself. i wanted to scream, express disapproval. i wanted the sky to open up and rain justice. i wanted peace, respect.
and i stared, doing nothing. when the light changed, i continued to stare, until the cars behind me began to honk.
i'm not sure where to put these feelings. i am really disappointed in myself, and am wondering what could have been done differently. what were the consequences of me not taking action? what might have happened had i done something? these are questions without answers, and something i'm going to have to think about for a while.
Monday
to the windy city
4/14/08
it's been a while since i've updated, or at least that's the way it seems. looking over some of my old posts, i felt like everything was negative, making the sum of my "experience" seem negative as well. i don't think that's a fair assessment of the public allies experience so far.
there have been ups and downs. many more, in fact, than i had anticipated. we've gone through bureaucratic changes with the partnership with uwm, as well as changes in training. we've had all-out fights, laughs, shared secrets and sorrows. looking back at particular moments, we've had the team-building exercises like opening retreat and mid-year. of all the things we've done so far, i'd say our service days have been my favorite. those are the times we're walking the walk.
of course, there have been bad times. i am not one to gloss over troubles, as i'm sure my program manager, james, can attest to. i feel like i have been in a perpetual state of complaining to him about one issue or another since our first 360. pay problems, court, daycare, working too hard. everything. in fact, of everyone i've come in contact with at public allies, i think james may actually know me and what i'm all about.
at friday training, james dropped a bomb on us. as of april 25th, he will no longer be our program manager. james is moving on to bigger and better things in the windy city; he says he's found his calling in a philanthropic position.
i must say, i missed out on most of the other things he said. i was really disappointed. as i listened, i had this realization that i really do enjoy working with james. his incredible ability to listen to complaints and successes without interjection or silly advice-giving, and remaining utterly professional has really been an anchor for me. i have never done well being "bossed," but somehow, james has done this amazing job of directing without being overbearing. he knows there are things i don't want to do, but he gets me to do them by acknowledging the fact that they're silly, but reminding me gently that they still need to be done.
of course, i can't forget to credit james for all his encouraging and support of our TSP. the team service project has been a sort of mess for our group. we're split into many small camps, and have had a really hard time since the beginning of the project. james has done a fantastic job of keeping us one step ahead of the chopping block. when we had the TSP review panel, we dominated. every question the panel asked, james had already demanded answers for. without overpowering our need to lead, james has been the consciousness and grounding element of ASSET.
something else james has been on top of is our PISD's. i know that some other allies say they are never sure if their program managers ever get around to them, but every week, i know james looks through our PISD's and makes mental notes about the thinly veiled impact our service time is having on our lives. there have been times when james offhandedly mentions the impact of something he saw in a document, and he does it in front of the whole team. i've seen those comments make someone beam.
until he announced his leaving, i had no idea the impact james has had on me. of course, you don't know what you've got... james has been one hell of an asset. i'm going to stop gushing about it, but i'm really sad to see james go. he jas done more for us and the program than i think he knows. in spite of my sadness, i do wish him well in all he does.
thank you for everything james.
"a boss creates fear, a leader confidence. a boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. a boss knows it all, a leader asks questions. a boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting."
-russell h. ewing
it's been a while since i've updated, or at least that's the way it seems. looking over some of my old posts, i felt like everything was negative, making the sum of my "experience" seem negative as well. i don't think that's a fair assessment of the public allies experience so far.
there have been ups and downs. many more, in fact, than i had anticipated. we've gone through bureaucratic changes with the partnership with uwm, as well as changes in training. we've had all-out fights, laughs, shared secrets and sorrows. looking back at particular moments, we've had the team-building exercises like opening retreat and mid-year. of all the things we've done so far, i'd say our service days have been my favorite. those are the times we're walking the walk.
of course, there have been bad times. i am not one to gloss over troubles, as i'm sure my program manager, james, can attest to. i feel like i have been in a perpetual state of complaining to him about one issue or another since our first 360. pay problems, court, daycare, working too hard. everything. in fact, of everyone i've come in contact with at public allies, i think james may actually know me and what i'm all about.
at friday training, james dropped a bomb on us. as of april 25th, he will no longer be our program manager. james is moving on to bigger and better things in the windy city; he says he's found his calling in a philanthropic position.
i must say, i missed out on most of the other things he said. i was really disappointed. as i listened, i had this realization that i really do enjoy working with james. his incredible ability to listen to complaints and successes without interjection or silly advice-giving, and remaining utterly professional has really been an anchor for me. i have never done well being "bossed," but somehow, james has done this amazing job of directing without being overbearing. he knows there are things i don't want to do, but he gets me to do them by acknowledging the fact that they're silly, but reminding me gently that they still need to be done.
of course, i can't forget to credit james for all his encouraging and support of our TSP. the team service project has been a sort of mess for our group. we're split into many small camps, and have had a really hard time since the beginning of the project. james has done a fantastic job of keeping us one step ahead of the chopping block. when we had the TSP review panel, we dominated. every question the panel asked, james had already demanded answers for. without overpowering our need to lead, james has been the consciousness and grounding element of ASSET.
something else james has been on top of is our PISD's. i know that some other allies say they are never sure if their program managers ever get around to them, but every week, i know james looks through our PISD's and makes mental notes about the thinly veiled impact our service time is having on our lives. there have been times when james offhandedly mentions the impact of something he saw in a document, and he does it in front of the whole team. i've seen those comments make someone beam.
until he announced his leaving, i had no idea the impact james has had on me. of course, you don't know what you've got... james has been one hell of an asset. i'm going to stop gushing about it, but i'm really sad to see james go. he jas done more for us and the program than i think he knows. in spite of my sadness, i do wish him well in all he does.
thank you for everything james.
"a boss creates fear, a leader confidence. a boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. a boss knows it all, a leader asks questions. a boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting."
-russell h. ewing
Thursday
drumming up business
4/3/08
the week of "drumming up business." i've been roaming all over milwaukee peddling the gospel of disaster preparedness. i've had some tentative takers, i believe, and have also seen places i've never been.
there are all sorts of architectural wonders in this city. how exciting to stumble into old buildings and find some feast for the eyes, marble floors and intricately carved wood. footholds worn into stairs from decades of use...
the week has been interesting to say the least. i can feel the term winding down, and am starting to wonder what will happen next. i am thinking of applying for a job at a shelter, i think. i'd like to do more service-oriented things.
i'm going to be the reporter for our tsp group. i think my portfolio is going to be awesome when i finish this whole mess. so much has been going on... i think i'm just ready for a new part of my life. that part where i am mostly content to be where i am and comfortable being who i am.
matt's coming home for a moment. i am excited, and nervous.
the week of "drumming up business." i've been roaming all over milwaukee peddling the gospel of disaster preparedness. i've had some tentative takers, i believe, and have also seen places i've never been.
there are all sorts of architectural wonders in this city. how exciting to stumble into old buildings and find some feast for the eyes, marble floors and intricately carved wood. footholds worn into stairs from decades of use...
the week has been interesting to say the least. i can feel the term winding down, and am starting to wonder what will happen next. i am thinking of applying for a job at a shelter, i think. i'd like to do more service-oriented things.
i'm going to be the reporter for our tsp group. i think my portfolio is going to be awesome when i finish this whole mess. so much has been going on... i think i'm just ready for a new part of my life. that part where i am mostly content to be where i am and comfortable being who i am.
matt's coming home for a moment. i am excited, and nervous.
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