michelle dobbs has sort of become a resident guest in this year's ally class. she facililitated this year's rev. dr. martin luther king jr. day training, as well as being the co-facilitator of the mid-year community-building retreat at bjorklunden.
aside from being a fantastic facilitator, public allies cheerleader and national office executive, michelle is also a talented writer. she is a finalist in the amazon.com breakthrough novel award contest. how exciting!
the contest is open for review, and if you are interested in reading michelle's chapter and submitting a review, details can be found here.
i felt moved to support her, and submitted a review on the sample chapter of her novel rock island line:
"She would throw her hand up; still facing the direction she was walking, in some kind of tired salute. I don't think she said any words with that movement, because she never looked back. That's the kind of person she was, I guess, the kind who moves on." -Michelle Dobbs, The Rock Island Line
Michelle Dobb's Rock Island Line is a fine look into historical beliefs of African American families, as well as powerful commentary on class. Writing from the viewpoints of distinct characters, Dobbs gives us a glimpse of superstitions and spirituality that touches the lives of many.
In terms of delivery, the words sway together and offer up for close inspection the feel of a time period long since gone. Conversational dialect is authentic, produced in a respectful tone. Each character is a colorful 3-dimensional woman, represented in print by the strength of her words.
In a sense, these women are the spokeswomen of a tribe of African American pioneers of sorts trying to break the culture barrier of traditionally white Rock Island. For anyone who enjoys period-style pieces and rich storytelling, Dobb's Rock Island Line is a must.
Wednesday
the art of preparedness
1/30/08
it's been a few days, but we're home from mid-year. i must say, it really was intense. at first, i wasn't sure how i felt about it, but after stewing in the idea of it for a while, it's safe for me to say i may very well have gotten much more out of it than i'd anticipated.
i also realized this morning how much i've gotten out of my placement, and public allies in general. it's bitter cold this morning, has been for the last couple days. the temperature is about 5 below, but with the windchill, the newsfolk said it felt like 20 below.
waiting at the bus stop (i have to take two buses to get to work) i thought about how cold it was. but i wasn't cold, because i was prepared. i looked at the guy next to me who, while dressed in the latest fashion, was certainly shivering. he must be cold, i thought to myself. why is he just wearing that little jacket? didn't anybody tell him how to get dressed for cold weather?
then it dawned on me. it's my job to tell people these kinds of things. as trivial as it may initially seem, disaster preparedness can save lives. i talked to a group of seniors at washington park senior center yesterday about fire safety. i'm always reluctant to begin when it comes to seniors, because i feel like i can't tell them anything that they don't already know. this time though, i had a really great time. rather than standing in front of them, i kind of went through the material, then had them talk about their experiences. it was a blast. we joked and had a good time, and the seniors reassured each other. we always tell seniors and people with special needs to have a network to check on them; in a lot of cases, people don't have families. as we were sitting there, they started to volunteer to call one another. it was really amazing.
in a similar vein, my supervisor veronica did a presentation and interview for fox 6 on cold weather preparedness, which we lovingly refer to as "baby, it's cold outside!" it's cut in with some footage of the clothing center (or closet) of repairers of the breach homeless resource center. the clip shows veronica giving a presentation to fellow red cross workers and also gives information about preparedness in general. it's exciting to see what we do really showcased for people, and if you are interested in what i do here at the red cross, i invite you to take a look.
if you'd like to check it out, here's the link.
now, i'd like to go back to the public allies and mid-year experience. i saw some things that really surprised me, heard some things that really made me see people differently. still, i wouldn't have considered myself truly moved until i basically got called out in front of everyone. one of my allies addressed the fact that i can be a bit bossy if not outright controlling. she told me (and, consequently, the group) that it was really interfering with her ability to interact with me even on a surface level.
a few months ago, i probably would have turned to her and said, you know, i really don't care how you feel about me, because that's just who i am. i would have gone on to criticize not only her, but every member of the class for not taking charge more often. now, i know that's not who i am, though sometimes in the shuffling madness of the everyday, i forget that. i do overstep sometimes, and sometimes that's ok; it's not always for me to be in control. controlling is not the same as leading.
i'm really glad she called me out. i'm glad she had the courage to say to me what i needed to hear, rather than whispering it to someone else. after all, aren't we supposed to be taking risks? i think that truly expressing yourself is a great risk many of us are unwilling to take.
it's wild to sit back and really reflect on things and have the eureka moment. i spend so much time anticipating the great change and bringing expectations everywhere that i hardly notice the subtle moment that everything shifts. the transition is seamless. i like knowing that there is room for improvement. it gives me great hope for myself.
you do not lead by hitting people over the head; that's assault, not leadership.
-dwight d. eisenhower
it's been a few days, but we're home from mid-year. i must say, it really was intense. at first, i wasn't sure how i felt about it, but after stewing in the idea of it for a while, it's safe for me to say i may very well have gotten much more out of it than i'd anticipated.
i also realized this morning how much i've gotten out of my placement, and public allies in general. it's bitter cold this morning, has been for the last couple days. the temperature is about 5 below, but with the windchill, the newsfolk said it felt like 20 below.
waiting at the bus stop (i have to take two buses to get to work) i thought about how cold it was. but i wasn't cold, because i was prepared. i looked at the guy next to me who, while dressed in the latest fashion, was certainly shivering. he must be cold, i thought to myself. why is he just wearing that little jacket? didn't anybody tell him how to get dressed for cold weather?
then it dawned on me. it's my job to tell people these kinds of things. as trivial as it may initially seem, disaster preparedness can save lives. i talked to a group of seniors at washington park senior center yesterday about fire safety. i'm always reluctant to begin when it comes to seniors, because i feel like i can't tell them anything that they don't already know. this time though, i had a really great time. rather than standing in front of them, i kind of went through the material, then had them talk about their experiences. it was a blast. we joked and had a good time, and the seniors reassured each other. we always tell seniors and people with special needs to have a network to check on them; in a lot of cases, people don't have families. as we were sitting there, they started to volunteer to call one another. it was really amazing.
in a similar vein, my supervisor veronica did a presentation and interview for fox 6 on cold weather preparedness, which we lovingly refer to as "baby, it's cold outside!" it's cut in with some footage of the clothing center (or closet) of repairers of the breach homeless resource center. the clip shows veronica giving a presentation to fellow red cross workers and also gives information about preparedness in general. it's exciting to see what we do really showcased for people, and if you are interested in what i do here at the red cross, i invite you to take a look.
if you'd like to check it out, here's the link.
now, i'd like to go back to the public allies and mid-year experience. i saw some things that really surprised me, heard some things that really made me see people differently. still, i wouldn't have considered myself truly moved until i basically got called out in front of everyone. one of my allies addressed the fact that i can be a bit bossy if not outright controlling. she told me (and, consequently, the group) that it was really interfering with her ability to interact with me even on a surface level.
a few months ago, i probably would have turned to her and said, you know, i really don't care how you feel about me, because that's just who i am. i would have gone on to criticize not only her, but every member of the class for not taking charge more often. now, i know that's not who i am, though sometimes in the shuffling madness of the everyday, i forget that. i do overstep sometimes, and sometimes that's ok; it's not always for me to be in control. controlling is not the same as leading.
i'm really glad she called me out. i'm glad she had the courage to say to me what i needed to hear, rather than whispering it to someone else. after all, aren't we supposed to be taking risks? i think that truly expressing yourself is a great risk many of us are unwilling to take.
it's wild to sit back and really reflect on things and have the eureka moment. i spend so much time anticipating the great change and bringing expectations everywhere that i hardly notice the subtle moment that everything shifts. the transition is seamless. i like knowing that there is room for improvement. it gives me great hope for myself.
you do not lead by hitting people over the head; that's assault, not leadership.
-dwight d. eisenhower
Thursday
peck's community-building model
1/24/08
we're here at mid-year retreat, at bjorklunden in sister bay. the middle of nowhere, the snow reflects the blinding light of the sun into the rows of trees and eventually out into the bay.
we have been sitting in circles.
we talk about things that are bothering us.
we talk about things that make us happy.
we are building a community as per the prescribed method.
pseudo-community.
chaos.
emptying.
community.
this is where our journey is "taking" us.
there is a concept here we are to practice, where the group sits in silence with no direction, only speaking "when moved to do so." at first everyone, was speaking as usual. back and forth, almost in a stabbing motion. there was anger. then people started to cry. more people decided that was what felt good, and so they spoke and cried too.
i wasn't really sure how to feel at that. perhaps, i was in fact moved to speak, but not to everyone in the group. simply, i am not there yet. i am in this spot where all i want is to develop the established relationships, to understand what is going on around me before i introduce more complications into this.
many of the allies admitted that their lives aren't as sunny as they paint them to be. the facades they wear to trainings are their "masks," it's easy to hide things so people think things are fine.
personally, i am not sure if it such a problem to keep things to oneself. often times, it's overwhelming to share with people, because all they want to do is offer advice (i too am guilty of this). right now, i cannot take any more advice. i want to be able to sort through my problems in an effective manner and make conscious decisions that allow for me to grow. (ironically, i keep a public blog, making this entire post reek of hipocracy.)
all too often lately, i find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place, one where i am finally able to ask for help, only to have the person(s) helping me lord it over me until i wish i'd simply struggled my own way through it. it takes so much to overcome the pride to ask, and once i finally do, i only wish i hadn't.
i cannot take much more of anything.
am i meeting my own expectation? i hardly have time to ask myself that, i'm too busy filling the role of who i need to be for everyone else. i am building the portfolio for success, only, the more i come to fill it, the emptier i feel personally.
i am tired of constantly being asked to talk. important things are beyond words to me right now, or at least any that wouldn't drive people away altogether. i am not sure where to take the terrible things, and so it seems i have filled up on them, and have no room for the good, leaving me ultimately empty again.
what's really fucked up, pardon my french, is that all of this is circumstantial. i am not an unhappy person. i am not bitter. i feel like everyone has caught me in a bad moment.
one of the allies mentioned something about becoming a person they didn't want to become. that happens sometimes. who is at fault? is it circumstance? is it the individual? are we a bi-product, or do we have real control over our destinies?
this is not who i am.
we're here at mid-year retreat, at bjorklunden in sister bay. the middle of nowhere, the snow reflects the blinding light of the sun into the rows of trees and eventually out into the bay.
we have been sitting in circles.
we talk about things that are bothering us.
we talk about things that make us happy.
we are building a community as per the prescribed method.
pseudo-community.
chaos.
emptying.
community.
this is where our journey is "taking" us.
there is a concept here we are to practice, where the group sits in silence with no direction, only speaking "when moved to do so." at first everyone, was speaking as usual. back and forth, almost in a stabbing motion. there was anger. then people started to cry. more people decided that was what felt good, and so they spoke and cried too.
i wasn't really sure how to feel at that. perhaps, i was in fact moved to speak, but not to everyone in the group. simply, i am not there yet. i am in this spot where all i want is to develop the established relationships, to understand what is going on around me before i introduce more complications into this.
many of the allies admitted that their lives aren't as sunny as they paint them to be. the facades they wear to trainings are their "masks," it's easy to hide things so people think things are fine.
personally, i am not sure if it such a problem to keep things to oneself. often times, it's overwhelming to share with people, because all they want to do is offer advice (i too am guilty of this). right now, i cannot take any more advice. i want to be able to sort through my problems in an effective manner and make conscious decisions that allow for me to grow. (ironically, i keep a public blog, making this entire post reek of hipocracy.)
all too often lately, i find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place, one where i am finally able to ask for help, only to have the person(s) helping me lord it over me until i wish i'd simply struggled my own way through it. it takes so much to overcome the pride to ask, and once i finally do, i only wish i hadn't.
i cannot take much more of anything.
am i meeting my own expectation? i hardly have time to ask myself that, i'm too busy filling the role of who i need to be for everyone else. i am building the portfolio for success, only, the more i come to fill it, the emptier i feel personally.
i am tired of constantly being asked to talk. important things are beyond words to me right now, or at least any that wouldn't drive people away altogether. i am not sure where to take the terrible things, and so it seems i have filled up on them, and have no room for the good, leaving me ultimately empty again.what's really fucked up, pardon my french, is that all of this is circumstantial. i am not an unhappy person. i am not bitter. i feel like everyone has caught me in a bad moment.
one of the allies mentioned something about becoming a person they didn't want to become. that happens sometimes. who is at fault? is it circumstance? is it the individual? are we a bi-product, or do we have real control over our destinies?
this is not who i am.
Wednesday
diversity and oppression: racism
1/16/08
so, it's already wednesday, and i'm still struggling with a way to digest last friday's diversity and oppression training. this training session made me really upset. I feel like we focused so much on afro-centricism that we really didn't talk about racism. we didn't discuss any latino issues, nor did we even mention one of the most oppressed groups of people in our country: native americans. after all, blacks and whites aren't the only groups of people in this country.
why is it that all discussions on race ultimately boil down to being black or white? what about those of us who can't sit so cleanly on a side, and for those who simply don't fit into those particular molds? we are in fact, all americans, are we not? while our experiences may differ based on some predetermined factors that are out of our hands (be they sexual preference, race, gender, origin, etc) , everyone has been discriminated against. i don't feel that going around in a circle and saying what color we were was an effective means of discussing race. at most, i feel that it perpetuated an unspoken exclusionist attitude for everyone in the room who was not black-identified.
now, in public ally tradition, let me clarify what I am saying and assume some accountability for these words and ideas. yes, i do identify as black; i am comfortable with that. that does not, however, make it ok for me to go on a tirade against a whole group of people in order to express my sentiments on racism. look around. there have been at least 3 genocides during my lifetime. does that mean that you can successfully counter hate with hate?
i suppose that if we were to have a discussion on valuing heritage, and celebrating culture, i could understand a lot more of this training. cultural pride does not excuse the bashing of any race at any time, and i feel we let that happen. this time, because we were supposed to be having an inclusive discussion on racism, i feel we really didn't do the job.
in celebration of my own culture and heritage, i may apply the experience of being MULTI-RACIAL (read: not so simply broken down as black or white, but in fact, african, choctaw indian, danish, german, and french; surely there are many others that i am unaware of) to my existence. i can proudly express these diverse backgrounds, display all of the aspects of each experience, be that comprised of great struggle and endurance, beautiful music and arts, or delicious food.
when you re-read that last sentence, which part of my heritage do you think i am referring to? there is no one answer, because all of my make up, in spite of melanin or kink of hair, has beautiful and awful elements. i embrace them willingly, and am not looking to question anyone else’s.
i have no problem questioning the intention of phrasing.
one of the terms that's been thrown around lately is “white liberalism.” some people understand the expression, some don't. most are coming to understand it's negative connotations. but many of the white folk in public allies are asking themselves, "is that me?" it opens a whole new slew of terms we just don’t talk about. why aren’t we discussing words like “uncle tom” or “white-washed” and other such terms that have to do with the phenomenon of co-opting cultures? (i admit, i don’t know a lot about many other cultures, so my examples are primarily black relating to white.)
what about our own struggles as people within the context of our races?i’ve seen wonderful and terrible in all races; and in spite of what we were told in the friday training, i can not buy that whites are the only group capable of being racist. I’m really curious to see what everyone else is really thinking, gloves off.
i get very razzed about racial issues. hate to say it this way, but everything isn’t always black and white.
Thursday
for quick and easy popping
1/10/08
yesterday was exhausting. i had 3 presentations over at lincoln street school, a meeting and pre-meeting with an ally. i got back to the office and was wiped, but found a particularly funny note:
rosy,
please clean the burnt popcorn smell out of the microwave.
look.
a couple days ago, just before it was quitting time, i ventured out of my office and into the red cross kitchen, bag of popcorn in hand. i cannot recall the last time i tried to make a microwave "meal" (popcorn with extra butter being a popular choice among the office-lady type...)
so, i read the instructions, which inform me:
1. REMOVE OVERWRAP. place bag, unfolded, in center of microwave oven. be sure THIS SIDE IS UP! (easy enough, right?)
2. POP! set microwave on HIGH and set overn timer for 4 minutes (the actual cooking time will be between 1-1/4 and 4 minutes). push START. listen carefully! when popping slows to 2-3 seconds between pops, turn oven off. DO NOT LEAVE MICROWAVE UNATTENDED... overcooking may result in scorching. (this is where the problems began.)
at first i was doing really well. i set the microwave to 3 minutes, figuring four minutes would be unreasonable. turns out, 3 minutes was also unreasonable. i got all the way to the part where it says "do not leave microwave unnattended." uh-oh.
what had happened was, i got an important telephone call, which lured me back to my desk, but only for a moment! ok, thirty seconds. anyhow. i suddenly saw thick smoke rolling out into the office. i ran into the kitchen to see the microwave coughing out a brown cloud of doom.
it smelled awful. the whole interior was coated with burnt artificial butter. the poor microwave was a wreck, and people began to stick their heads out of the cubicles and perimeter offices. luckily, people had begun to go home. i was so worried the smoke detector was going to go off.
but seriously... a note?
addressing more ally-related business, i had a really nice time yesterday at the lincoln avenue elementary school. there are several other americorps members there, and they were all really nice and willing to talk. apparently, it's a good program for them, but structured differently than ours.
i especially like visiting the bilingual classrooms. it seems like immigration issues in general function as a sort of microcosm of what public allies is supposed to be. the children are amazing, function actively in trying situations, often times shouldering the burden of translating for their parents; being ridiculed for their cultural differences yet preserving them while assimilating into american culture.
i feel like i'm starting to get the hang of this thing, the presentations and the red tape and the procedures. i'm learning the ins and outs, and at the same time, reflecting on my personal development. i am working hard to make the best of this experience.
a few days ago, i had a presentation at the veteran's hospital. i arrived a little early, so i sat down with a couple of the employees. we had a good time, talking about regular life things. this isn't something i'm usually interested in.
before p.a, i would have busied myself with some other activity, dismissing these women as the ordinary work-a-day sort. they couldn't possibly have anything in common with young, wonderful, artistic me.... but lately i'm realizing that everyone is the ordinary work-a-day sort. we are struggling for the same things, want to live our lives the best we can. everyone has something to offer, it's up to me to open myself up to receive it.
aww. i feel all warm inside.
yesterday was exhausting. i had 3 presentations over at lincoln street school, a meeting and pre-meeting with an ally. i got back to the office and was wiped, but found a particularly funny note:
rosy,
please clean the burnt popcorn smell out of the microwave.
look.
a couple days ago, just before it was quitting time, i ventured out of my office and into the red cross kitchen, bag of popcorn in hand. i cannot recall the last time i tried to make a microwave "meal" (popcorn with extra butter being a popular choice among the office-lady type...)
so, i read the instructions, which inform me:
1. REMOVE OVERWRAP. place bag, unfolded, in center of microwave oven. be sure THIS SIDE IS UP! (easy enough, right?)
2. POP! set microwave on HIGH and set overn timer for 4 minutes (the actual cooking time will be between 1-1/4 and 4 minutes). push START. listen carefully! when popping slows to 2-3 seconds between pops, turn oven off. DO NOT LEAVE MICROWAVE UNATTENDED... overcooking may result in scorching. (this is where the problems began.)
at first i was doing really well. i set the microwave to 3 minutes, figuring four minutes would be unreasonable. turns out, 3 minutes was also unreasonable. i got all the way to the part where it says "do not leave microwave unnattended." uh-oh.
what had happened was, i got an important telephone call, which lured me back to my desk, but only for a moment! ok, thirty seconds. anyhow. i suddenly saw thick smoke rolling out into the office. i ran into the kitchen to see the microwave coughing out a brown cloud of doom.
it smelled awful. the whole interior was coated with burnt artificial butter. the poor microwave was a wreck, and people began to stick their heads out of the cubicles and perimeter offices. luckily, people had begun to go home. i was so worried the smoke detector was going to go off.
but seriously... a note?
addressing more ally-related business, i had a really nice time yesterday at the lincoln avenue elementary school. there are several other americorps members there, and they were all really nice and willing to talk. apparently, it's a good program for them, but structured differently than ours.
i especially like visiting the bilingual classrooms. it seems like immigration issues in general function as a sort of microcosm of what public allies is supposed to be. the children are amazing, function actively in trying situations, often times shouldering the burden of translating for their parents; being ridiculed for their cultural differences yet preserving them while assimilating into american culture.
i feel like i'm starting to get the hang of this thing, the presentations and the red tape and the procedures. i'm learning the ins and outs, and at the same time, reflecting on my personal development. i am working hard to make the best of this experience.
a few days ago, i had a presentation at the veteran's hospital. i arrived a little early, so i sat down with a couple of the employees. we had a good time, talking about regular life things. this isn't something i'm usually interested in.
before p.a, i would have busied myself with some other activity, dismissing these women as the ordinary work-a-day sort. they couldn't possibly have anything in common with young, wonderful, artistic me.... but lately i'm realizing that everyone is the ordinary work-a-day sort. we are struggling for the same things, want to live our lives the best we can. everyone has something to offer, it's up to me to open myself up to receive it.
aww. i feel all warm inside.
Tuesday
new year. new you.
1/08/08
happy new year. no really.
i rang it in at stonefly, courtesy of our very own geraud blanks. there was booty-shakin' a-plenty, good times and good beer.
so far, the year has been filled with a plethora of excitement, buzz, and creativity. i've decided that, in lieu of the traditional new year's resolution to "eat right and get fit," i'm taking matters into my own hands. after all, i just discovered putein*. my life will never be the same.
rather than making myself miserable by stuffing my face full of celery and packing peanuts (are those low carb???), i've decided to implement the hula-hoop exercises plan. every day, i'm trying to fit in one half hour of hula hooping, supplemented by at least a mile of running or walking. i decided this would work. and hey, hula hooping is fun!
onto more substantial things than my vanity...
we've sent out our tsp requests for proposals. it's sort of exciting to see what kinds of suggestions we'll get. even more of a mystery is what the other tsp groups are going with: how they laid out their rfp's, who they sent them to, what they're planning.
we've decided to call our team ASSET (Advance Sustainable Social Equality Together). isn't that clever? ideally, we've hoping our TSP will address youth issues, some sort of possible forum.. we're crossing our fingers.
our group is also having some issues with attendance and accountability. a few of the members really haven't put anything into the process. it seems like that's just the way it's going to be, and we'll have to work around that.
oh allies. friday trainings and the whole ordeal are beginning to get complicated. people are getting upset about the sense of a lack of direction. where is this program headed? what is the point? these are the questions that are arising.
just before christmas break, we had a huge blowout. it was about race. i am curious to see what will happen with that, what kind of approach our class will take: are we going to tackle issues, or simply ignore them until they go away? it seems that people have their opinions, but are too scared to come out and speak about them.
mid year is coming up. it's going to be interesting to see what happens when we're all trapped together for 3 days. will people deal with issues, or will they be swept under the rug while we all pretend the world is a wonderful place?
*.(read: french fries coated in cheese and gravy. amazing!)
happy new year. no really.
i rang it in at stonefly, courtesy of our very own geraud blanks. there was booty-shakin' a-plenty, good times and good beer.
so far, the year has been filled with a plethora of excitement, buzz, and creativity. i've decided that, in lieu of the traditional new year's resolution to "eat right and get fit," i'm taking matters into my own hands. after all, i just discovered putein*. my life will never be the same.
rather than making myself miserable by stuffing my face full of celery and packing peanuts (are those low carb???), i've decided to implement the hula-hoop exercises plan. every day, i'm trying to fit in one half hour of hula hooping, supplemented by at least a mile of running or walking. i decided this would work. and hey, hula hooping is fun!
onto more substantial things than my vanity...
we've sent out our tsp requests for proposals. it's sort of exciting to see what kinds of suggestions we'll get. even more of a mystery is what the other tsp groups are going with: how they laid out their rfp's, who they sent them to, what they're planning.
we've decided to call our team ASSET (Advance Sustainable Social Equality Together). isn't that clever? ideally, we've hoping our TSP will address youth issues, some sort of possible forum.. we're crossing our fingers.
our group is also having some issues with attendance and accountability. a few of the members really haven't put anything into the process. it seems like that's just the way it's going to be, and we'll have to work around that.
oh allies. friday trainings and the whole ordeal are beginning to get complicated. people are getting upset about the sense of a lack of direction. where is this program headed? what is the point? these are the questions that are arising.
just before christmas break, we had a huge blowout. it was about race. i am curious to see what will happen with that, what kind of approach our class will take: are we going to tackle issues, or simply ignore them until they go away? it seems that people have their opinions, but are too scared to come out and speak about them.
mid year is coming up. it's going to be interesting to see what happens when we're all trapped together for 3 days. will people deal with issues, or will they be swept under the rug while we all pretend the world is a wonderful place?
*.(read: french fries coated in cheese and gravy. amazing!)
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