5/08/08

it's almost finished. i am so close to being finished.

this last stretch of public allies feels so much like the very end of my senior year of high school. the end is so close, i can almost taste it. the air is warming against my skin. the world is moving around me, and i am beginning to feel that i am contributing to that movement.

each day passes, i wax and wane. there are times i feel i've made a difference, and other times i wish i had done more. looking back on it now, i'm sure there are things i have yet to grasp. but i'm certain i have not missed everything. this seems so cryptic, but the whole of the past 8 months is hard to explain. i've been disgusted, down, elated, ecstatic, confused, empowered, pissed... all this, more even. the way the year has gone is exhausting.

our tsp is starting to pull itself from the mud, taking shape after hours of hard work and frustration. i'm looking forward to see what it will look like. i'm trying to take a more positive approach, more realistic i suppose. after all, i can only change what i am, and what i produce.

this is also the first time that i will not have a job lined up. scary prospect, considering it's not just me i have to worry about-- and everything is so expensive now. food, energy, rent, life. who can afford to stay alive these days.

i suppose it's post-ally jitters. i've made it this far. i'll make it further.