what am i doing here?

8/21/07

ally check-in. everyone seems to be happy with their placement; those without one seem a bit down-trodden. it's good to see everyone, the morning is lovely. i feel like i did an awful job with check ins; everyone else has these optimistic and informative statements about their post.

we all have so much do to! it seems like people are already trasforming into working types, though some are more professional/attentive than others. work, work, work. these fridays are intended to be the weekly highlight.

hearing everyone, i know we can all offer one another a ton of help if need be. that's reassuring, because as the experience unfolds, i realize i have absolutely no idea of what i'm doing. ever in life.

we as a society take everything for granted. all this talk about what we have in the city makes me see that milwaukee might not be so bad.

bonnie andrews of the volunteer center is giving us info on volunteering and time managment*. she averages (national v.s. city) why people volunteer, how to relate as professionals to your volunteers, and putting recruitment plans into action with a plug-in excercize.

it's hard to get things done in large groups. everyone is talking along the sides; i can only imagine how the speaker must feel. i also see james getting upset. i understand his frustration, as he has to deal with all of our information (beaurocratic and otherwise) and then attempt to facilitate here. noone is being attentive.

i thought i would look forward to these sessions. by the end of the first half, i can already see this is going to be difficult for me. it tries my patience when people don't understand that we are all adults in a situation which requires self-control and respect. why can't everyone behave as such?

there has been a huge lack of respect for speakers and each other in general. i'm not sure where i can fit into all of this. what are others thinging in relation to the program?

i understand people want to have fun with their new friends and all, but there is a time and place for all that. friday training sessions are not that place. i want to absorb this information; it is relevant to our positions as well as applicable to our lives. it's as if i'm one of few foolishly taking things seriously.

i'll need to figure something out, right now i feel like the official group bitch. this is pushing me, i understand i'm not perfect. maybe i'm taking it to personally? i am seriously questioning whether this is the place for me.

attempting to establish a constitution of sorts. it isn't going well. just venting. granted, this establishes som solid ground, but we're only covering means of basic communication. see: RESPECT.

i am noticing people who are usually reserved speaking out, only to be met with attacks and being spoken over.i'm not angry anymore. sheila pulled me aside and offered some words of wisdom, got into my head. she, and people like her, are uplifting. they are the ones who feel like allies in the true sense.

*with a quote from a reputable KKK member, as later pointed out by kate.