christmas at the cross.

12/28/07

this week has been both good and bad. i had four days in a row off, which was also a mixed blessing. i needed the break, but wish i had more to look forward to over those days. my first christmas as a mother was spent alone in a cold house waiting for something. i don't know what i was waiting for, but i think it did not come. what did come, was an awkward day of watching sitcoms.

the week was bustling. matthew is leaving for mexico today for the year of good works; i am again being left behind. i am going to miss him more than i'm prepared to admit. he spent the week flitting in and out of my sight, running last minute errands and still trying to keep me happy. he booked a lovely night at county clare and we had a little holiday in the midst of everyone else's holidays.

i also decided i will no longer be celebrating christmas. it broke my heart to be without my son, and so i am boycotting the holiday. from this point on, the family paradise will exclusively be celebrating kwanzaa.

by the way, today is the day to celebrate ujima, or collective work and responsibility. happy ujima, everyone! i really encourage everyone who is of african descent to look into this kwanzaa thing. it's very community-based.

one of my good friends was arrested last night. i got a call from a stranger informing me that this friend smashed into a fence, and was drunk, but alright. his drinking has been driving a wedge into our friendship, and the result is this final mess. i am worried about him.

a lot of things have been happening as a result of people binge drinking. i don't think that drinking is inherently bad, but it needs to be done in a safe, responsible manner. if you, or someone you know may be overindulging in an unsafe manner, please check out this article in the milwaukee journal sentinel. it might be helpful. it might even save a life.

yesterday, the new executive director arranged a potluck for the staff here. we all ate a bunch of bad for you food and eggnog and played a game of kind of jeopardy. it was really cute, because tracy was really excited about the idea of the game, but hadn't exactly worked out the kinks. it was fun to play a game with my co-workers, and our team even came in second place. our reward? a set of post-it notes, keychain first-aid kit, a tube of carmex, and a pouch of hot chocolate.

another really nice thing was a first year overtaking of a family tradition. since the decimation of my own nuclear family, my brother and sister have been amazing supports. they call and check on me, listen to me rant, and offer shoulders (but mosty tissues) to cry on. what we used to do when we all ived at home was renting a movie christmas eve and eating dinner. last night, my brother and sister came over to eat grilled cheese sandwiches and soup, and also brought me presents. i got some stuff, but the best present was when my sister popped her head in with MY BABY!!!

it was so nice to get to see him without the pretenses of dealing with other people's rules. we got to play and eat and sing together with matt and cyndi and spencer and zack. it was really a great surprise. we also got to watch some most extreme elimination challenge. brilliant.

today there is a snowstorm. essentially, that is what this year has been to me. i've lost so much, and gained so much all at once. i am hoping that this coming year will be a good one. i am looking forward to the homecoming of my son, and to the completion of this project. i hope to do great things, and so i shall.



"Go to the people. Learn from them. Live with them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. The best of leaders when the job is done, when the task is accomplished, the people will say we have done it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu