the denumount

6/24/08

"promise me you'll never forget me because if you thought i would i'd never leave."
-winnie the pooh, a.a. milne

this is the way it feels to nearly be finished. i am yet uncertain about my future, and wonder what kind of events will occur.

i'll call it "tying up loose ends." the act of removing my belongings from the cabinets and desk top. clearing my computer of personal information, documents, and portfolio items. taking one last good swivel in this chair. i'll look out the window for old time's sake.

veronica is quiet in a kind manner. i don't know that she is sad, or if she's just used to seeing people move along from this position. there won't be an ally at the red cross next year due to budget constraints, so she'll have to rely on volunteers.

it's strange to look into the eyes of my co-workers, some who have become friends, others that i've only begun to get to know. they seem a tinge jealous about my moving on, gazing listlessly out, and muttering words of encouragement. you'll figure it out. there's a bright future ahead. so many possibilities. i nodded, listening, hoping they were right.

as for the other allies, we've been spending so much time together with final retreat and presentations of learning, i think i'm looking forward to being part of something, but still being an individual. that's not to say i'm not pleased to have met some of the allies.

i know i'll be seeing some of them in the future as we move to shape the future of our city, and ultimately our lives. i know i'll appreciate all of this later, even if i'm still sorting it all out now.

we had a good time at final retreat. i think the reality of the end is setting in on us now. luis, jacki, meghan, jenni, fallicy and i dorve recklessly down to oconomowoc, talking about mysticism and music the whole way. luis became bored of the banter and started to drift off to sleep, pulling us off the road.

miraculously, we arrived on time, and in one piece. after being ushered into an unattractive conference room, we sat for a long time, and were punished with another public allies sponsored trip to pizza hut. i was rooming with jenni, and as we walked to the hut, everyone was going in every direction. she threw her hands up into the air and said, "this is what happens when everybody leads."

we danced the night away, some used the spa, others took advantage of cable television for one night. we were exhausted in the morning. our tsp teams had to give one final presentation on the projects, and awards were given.

the final retreat was ended by a closing circle that was incredibly moving. everyone stood with their eyes closed while selected individuals walked within the circle, essentially touching those who had touched them through the program.

touch someone who you will never forget.
touch someone who has inspired you.
touch someone who stands up for what they believe in.

these were only some of the questions, but it was hard. you almost wanted to touch everyone, but there really wasn't any time. and while you stood with your eyes closed and felt people touching you, it was hard to contain the emotions that came with it all. people cried, laughed, beamed. we went home happy, ending the final retreat with tears of happiness and relief in the parking lot.