humble pie

7/24/07

i received a telephone call from anna paula at C.O.R.E yesterday. she told me that whoever takes the postion needs to be fully bilingual, and she wasn't sure if i was going to be able to fill the position.

i admit i was humbled; i am not fully bilingual, but i'd like to be. this job is my number one choice. surrounding myself with like-minded individuals and the latino community would lift my spirit right now. i also think it would compliment my lifestyle, not just benefit others.

what does that mean? i need an internship for me, not just something to write on a resume. i need things that are positive in my life to be a stronger person. quite frankly, i'm again terrified of what this future will bring.

7/25/07
time is on my side...

i woke up this morning a panicked sense that i had missed my interview; lucky for me it wasn't until noon. that gave me time to think about what i wanted to say. the placement was at project q, through the lgbt center. i met kurt, mo, jay, and was re-acquainted with warren. the interview went well and i enjoyed the atmosphere. i think i'd make a good addition to the team, but am still interested in the C.OR.E./el centro position; i feel it would actually change my life.

i was really dissapointed when ana paula called to say she was unsure if i was qualified for the position. it hurt my herat, honestly. to be doubted before i'd even set foot in the door was discouraging. granted, i will need to practice, but i'm actually quite good at spanish, and am confident in myself. (did i just say that?)

i stopped in to the public allies office and spoke to rafael. he encouraged me not ot get down on myself and to give some other organizations a chance ( or, trying not to put all of one's eggs in a single basket.)

ana paula called me back later in the evening to talk about my ability as a bilingual ally.i had a bit more confidence in myself, thanks to the chat with rafael. i'm actually a lot better at spanish than i give myself credit for; i need to trust myself and let the rest just come.