may the panic begin

8/02/07

i guess the ranking sheet was due a few days ago, but since i have nothing to go on, i have nothing to turn in. up and down, trying to ground myself in something strong enough to sturdy me. there is so much weight here but i have to push on, remain calm, and positive.

8/06/07

stopped into the public allies office today because i'd called a bunch of places and have gotten no response or been told they'd never heard of me. that was incredibly discouraging and alarming. all i can think about is what will happen if i don't get a placement, and what that will mean for samadhi and i.

it feels as if my whole life is resting in the palms of some unforseen hands.

8/09/07 restoration

today, hope was restored in my search for p.a. employment. i received a telephone call from veronica carter at the american red cross while at work. i also received a call-back from one of the workers at the guest house. i signed up for a placement there, and i've been improving my spanish for anything, just in case. i'm scheduling interviews for both organizations.

8/11/07 coup de grace

the wind is blowing hard. before my double shift, i called C.O.R.E./el centro about the position; they gave the position to another person*. i knew that was coming. i can still go to the classes, it's still $7.

that made this whole experience more real, the pressure is off. there is more certianty less riding on chance, less opportunity to be let down by anticipated ideas gone awry.

monday, i have the interview at the red cross.

*[ i understand why they gave luis the position; his first language is spanish and also is a dance instructor. luis, i am not mad at you, you are more qualified than me, and you deserve it. if it was anyone else, it had to be you.]